when the warm and fuzzy boob turns against you

Everyone has their own way of dealing with their diagnosis and their life thereafter. Here are just a few of the ways I tried to cope:

As soon as it was confirmed that the warm and fuzzy feeling on my left boob was cancer I began to read ferociously and avidly. But only the good stuff! I refused, absolutely refused, to read anything that had negative vibes. None of that shit about sisters/ mothers/ aunts/ besties having cancer and three months later they were dead. That was not going to help me, because it was not going to happen to me. I read about women getting healthy; women whose lives had been profoundly and positively changed from their cancer; and women whose relationships with their partners and children withstood the nightmare. I literally Googled “positive breast cancer” and lists of e-books filled the pages. There’s a lot of shit out there, but there is also a lot of mind-blowing stories of women will inspire and enthrall you.

Related to this is to ensure that you seek out credible sources of information. There are all sorts out there who will preach the gospel about everything from Bicarbonate of Soda to a diet of root vegetables and say that all chemo does is kill… strange how the vast majority of these peeps have never had cancer! I remember sitting in the chemo room and overhearing a patient regaling the virtues of lemon juice, coffee granules and Bicarb. I have no idea what he did with the stuff. But it did strike me as somewhat ironic that he was so convinced that it was these ingredients that were going to heal him, whilst being pumped full of chemo-juice. The chemo sister simply smiled benignly, probably inwardly rolling her eyes, having heard it all so many time before.

Try and become as knowledgeable as possible about your diagnosis. Try to learn as much as possible about your illnesses from those that have traveled this journey before, and then try to share whatever you can in order to benefit those who walk the path after you.

I also told everyone who needed to know. Obviously family and close friends, but also the moms of my child’s friends and her school. My husband and I shared this task. My best friend often relates how Eric called her and told her to “feel your boobs”. For me it was important to tell those who needed to know, and it was totally ok for those who didn’t need to know to be told as well. For someone was intensely private about her life, I suddenly became an open book and was quite happy to share the gory details. It was a release, a recognition, an admission and a sharing of this thing that was happening to me. I found it profoundly liberating.

I know that many people choose not to do this. For their own intensely personal reasons. And that’s ok. Because however a person decides to deal with their cancer is ok and totally their decision. Some decide not to tell their employers, but, again I chose to do so immediately, first calling in those who worked closest with me, and then spiraling out. I think this was an attempt on my part to take some control over the situation – however limited.

Get enough rest and sleep, to stay as healthy as possible. Your mind and body goes through hell and must be allowed to recuperate. While it’s important for everyone to stay healthy: sleep, watch what you eat, exercise, manage your weight (its not true that all cancer patients are skeletal as the hormone therapy is a nightmare – but more of that in another post), reduce stress, and then get more sleep. If you are thinking of taking supplements of any sort, ask your oncologist – yes even if it is potentially illegal and dubious substances (no judgement!). The reason is that certain chemicals and drugs can react against each other. For example, I only found out a year after I was put on Tamoxifen, that the anti-depressant I was taking blocked the uptake of the Tamoxifen – who knew? So there I was depressed and the only thing that helped the depression was negating my hormone treatment. Total bummer.

Now is the time to be selfish and do what you want to do and see only those whom you want to see. Your friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances will want to help and support. And of course that’s great and often what is needed. But sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes you want to be by yourself, on your own and alone. You don’t want the fussing, to hear the words of comfort, or even have anyone in your space. And again – that’s all ok, because this is the one time that you only have to concern yourself with yourself. This is something I had to learn. Knowing how and when to go for it, when to say “help” and and when to say, ‘I need time out, please can I be left alone” are all things you get better at as time goes on.

So use these thoughts or don’t use them – it’s all good and it’s all up to you and how you feel! And please add any of your coping mechanisms in the comments section. Every little bit helps!